David here. I thought I would contribute to the blog.
You know the saying, "You might be a redneck if...?" Well, I am in the heart of the South, so I thought I would play on this and dedicate a post to "You might be a Dad if...." Feel free to add in the comments.
You might be a Dad if...
1. Your clothes, especially your Sunday suit coats, always have dried crackers, dried snot, or dried saliva on the shoulder (where's the lipstick?)
2. You can't go the bathroom in peace without some kid pounding on the door, or sticking their little fingers under the door, and asking, "Dad, are you in there? Can I come in?"
3. You slip and slide down the hall, through throw-up, trying to hurdle the mess, in the middle of the night, while trying to get one of the kids to the toilet.
4. You have no energy when you get home, so your idea of playing with the kids involves laying on the floor, taking a power nap, while they all climb on you (periodically you have to groan, or tickle them, to make them think you are awake)
5. You get hit in the groin area at least once a day because little kids are the perfect height that when they are trying to get your attention, they hit you there
6. Your kids can't wait until Saturday because that is when you get to stay home with them
7. Your child sniffs you and says you smell like Opa (your Dad, their Grandpa)
8. You average 3.765 minutes of free time at night, before you collapse from exhaustion into bed, even though you try to get the kids to go to bed 2 hours before you do.
9. Everyone wants to snuggle you at night
10. Your kids think you can fix everything
11. Your kids think you can buy anything
12. You sleep out on the trampoline after weeks of begging, only to be up all night with one kid throwing up (I actually had a good system going...their head fits perfectly between the springs and they can lay there), and one kid with his feet in your head, no matter how far around the trampoline you move.
13. Your kids still love you even if you have just gotten after them
New addition from my Dad, but it applies to me:
14. Every time you tell your wife you got a raise, she tells you she is pregnant.
New addition from me:
15. You lift weights to stay in shape, and instead of Metallica playing in your head, you have the theme song from "Little Mermaid" or any other Disney classic going through your head.
In the end, I love being a Dad. It is the best!
