General Conference Bloopers

Carthage Jail - Summer 2008

David here again. I am on a roll.

Our kids love to watch conference because of the conference activities that they get to do, and for all of the junk food. Over the years our kids always come up with something funny during the sessions, such as:

1. Michael drawing a beard on a picture of a primary child, and then saying that the child had reached purity (puberty).
2. One of the speakers referred to "Angry Mobs" but the kids thought he said "Angry Moms" (Freudian slip? I doubt it).
3. Another speaker saying that marriage is a commandment, and Michael said, "Oh man, that means I have to get married!"
4. I always seem to take a nap during one conference talk (usually a seventy), except this time. One time when I was asleep, Marilyn and the kids sewed me to the couch, tied my shoes together, and painted my fingernails pink. No respect.
5. Kids throwing up during sessions, sometimes due to too much junk food? (it's funny now).
6. Getting beaned by a flying Reeses peanut butter cup and it hurt really bad.
7. Having to spend three hours helping the kids clean up the "reverence" forts that took the kids only about 30 minutes to set up. They sure can work fast when they want to.

We love conference and enjoy hearing from the leaders of the church. It is very uplifting.

A Million Dollars

What would you do with a million dollars? I was at the school today for a parent/teacher conference with Grace's teacher and came across a hall full of dreams. Michael's class had written essays on what they would do if they had a million dollars. It is always fun to dream, and to dream big. I was laughing in the hall as I read his big dreams. It was funny to see the progression of very practical to letting loose. I guess our (me and David) discussions about saving and getting our of debt have rubbed off a little.

"If I Had a Million" by Michael DeBry age 8

First, I will put some in the bank. Then I will pay off our house. Then I'll go to the store to buy toys, games, and movies. Then I'll take my family to the movies. Then I'll get a maid. Then I'll get a hot tub that only I can get in. Last I'll buy a jet with 2 levels. It will have a couch and 8 beds. It would be fun to make a million.

You might be a Dad if...

David here. I thought I would contribute to the blog.

You know the saying, "You might be a redneck if...?" Well, I am in the heart of the South, so I thought I would play on this and dedicate a post to "You might be a Dad if...." Feel free to add in the comments.

You might be a Dad if...

1. Your clothes, especially your Sunday suit coats, always have dried crackers, dried snot, or dried saliva on the shoulder (where's the lipstick?)

2. You can't go the bathroom in peace without some kid pounding on the door, or sticking their little fingers under the door, and asking, "Dad, are you in there? Can I come in?"

3. You slip and slide down the hall, through throw-up, trying to hurdle the mess, in the middle of the night, while trying to get one of the kids to the toilet.

4. You have no energy when you get home, so your idea of playing with the kids involves laying on the floor, taking a power nap, while they all climb on you (periodically you have to groan, or tickle them, to make them think you are awake)

5. You get hit in the groin area at least once a day because little kids are the perfect height that when they are trying to get your attention, they hit you there

6. Your kids can't wait until Saturday because that is when you get to stay home with them

7. Your child sniffs you and says you smell like Opa (your Dad, their Grandpa)

8. You average 3.765 minutes of free time at night, before you collapse from exhaustion into bed, even though you try to get the kids to go to bed 2 hours before you do.

9. Everyone wants to snuggle you at night

10. Your kids think you can fix everything

11. Your kids think you can buy anything

12. You sleep out on the trampoline after weeks of begging, only to be up all night with one kid throwing up (I actually had a good system going...their head fits perfectly between the springs and they can lay there), and one kid with his feet in your head, no matter how far around the trampoline you move.

13. Your kids still love you even if you have just gotten after them

New addition from my Dad, but it applies to me:

14. Every time you tell your wife you got a raise, she tells you she is pregnant.

New addition from me:

15. You lift weights to stay in shape, and instead of Metallica playing in your head, you have the theme song from "Little Mermaid" or any other Disney classic going through your head.

In the end, I love being a Dad. It is the best!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Peter is always saying funny things.

The other day he wanted to go run errands. He likes to get out. I told him that we were going to take Dad to the doctor. David has a follow-up appointment for his eyes from his lasik last year. Anyway, Peter said, “We taking Dad to the doctor to get fixed.” (Not such a bad idea.)

Last night he wanted a “sharp spoon” (A fork) to eat his dinner.

First Year

Well, Katherine got shafted on her birthday this year. (Good thing she will have no recollection of it). We were still recovering from being sick and we were all worn out—so we just decided to do something the next day. I got her a few things—a shirt, a sippy cup, a box of cereal (that the kids have already eaten), some little juices and some finger foods. It was pretty simple. I had some treats hidden away so that we could put a candle in a brownie and sing to her. Well, the kids found the treats and I was ticked. Her birthday party was pretty much a flop. I felt so bad. It made me think how often we do things that we think are for our kids, but are really more for us—or to get some really cute pictures and a good “blog write-up”. She didn’t care that there was no birthday cake, but I did. I eventually got over it. KK was as happy as could be and smiled whenever we called her “Birthday Girl!” She is a super sweet little girl and loves to show off her new walking skills. She sure gets spoiled with lots of love and is thrilled when a new face walks in from school or Dad gets home from work. We’re blessed to have her as our baby.

First Year

Well, Katherine got shafted on her birthday this year. (Good thing she will have no recollection of it). We were still recovering from being sick and we were all worn out—so we just decided to do something the next day. I got her a few things—a shirt, a sippy cup, a box of cereal (that the kids have already eaten), some little juices and some finger foods. It was pretty simple. I had some treats hidden away so that we could put a candle in a brownie and sing to her. Well, the kids found the treats and I was ticked. Her birthday party was pretty much a flop. I felt so bad. It made me think how often we do things that we think are for our kids, but are really more for us—or to get some really cute pictures and a good “blog write-up”. She didn’t care that there was no birthday cake, but I did. I eventually got over it. KK was as happy as could be and smiled whenever we called her “Birthday Girl!” She is a super sweet little girl and loves to show off her new walking skills. She sure gets spoiled with lots of love and is thrilled when a new face walks in from school or Dad gets home from work. We’re blessed to have her as our baby.

What a Night

Well, I crawled into bed last night exhausted. It was 9:30 and I feel asleep fast. I barely stirred when David came in later to come to bed. After a few hours of sweet dreams, it came to an abrupt halt with a cry from the girls room. Katherine was awake--David, the knight in shining armor got up and put her back to sleep. We settle back in and around 1AM--Michael is "worshipping the porcelain God". He's been sick for a few days and has another bout of sickness--this time from both ends. Katherine wakes up again and ends up in bed with us. Pretty much I feed her all night or she has her feet in my back.

As I am trying to invite a visit from Mr. Sandman, we hear another cry from the girls' room-- Grace walks into our room--"get to the toilet, get in the bathroom", we yell. Katherine is awake again. It's too late--Grace didn't make it. Her bed has been contaminated! Why can't they just vomit on one thing--like the blanket--no they get the sheets, pillows, mattress, blankets, floor and various stuffed animals as well as the side of the bunk bed. I take the clean-up duty. She ends up in our room on the floor. Next, is Peter, with the "lip-smacking" warning that he is going to join the ranks. This is his third night and he is already crying that he doesn't want it to go in his nose. David takes care of him--as I try to get KK back to sleep. Now Peter is on the floor, too. I am trying to fall asleep and am constantly shocked into alert mode whenever the kids roll, move, groan, or smack their lips!! What a night--this of course is spread out from 1-about 5AM!

Someone tell me why they always throw-up in the middle of the night!?

We got about an hour of sleep before it was time to start the day over again--I was just relieved that it was morning. So as Laura's blog says, "Who will barf tonight?"

Peter keeps calling it "barking". He doesn't like to be sick and bark up his nose.

PS. Be glad that there is not a picture for this post. I almost took one of Michael yesterday. He fell asleep resting his head on the toilet seat--gross, I know. I guess I need to get decontaminating this place.